The sand rabbit tells the desert cow:
I want to lie beside your open bones.
The rigid spurs of your joints
Pressed against my fur.
Shelter for your sacrifice.
I'll hide in the hollow
Where your mind once dwelt
And sleep until the sun
Quells his angry shine.
Comments
Apr 5 2009
i can't help but think of gods when i read this. i wonder where trickster coyote lies in wait
Mar 24 2009
Funny you should say that. The original first line was "Coyote tells the desert cow," but the poem fit better for the rabbit.
Apr 5 2009
bah, you're just easter biased
Apr 5 2009
I'm thinking jackalope.
Apr 9 2009
I do like the idea, conversation pieces can be very insightful.
I have a few questions though. The rabbit wants to lay beside the cow, or within? The beginning makes it sound like the former, so the later parts of the poem mentioning lying within the skull for shelter don't seem to mesh. Do you mean that the rabbit would rather prefer laying aside the cow, but is forced to reside within? Or would the idea be remedied by changing the second line to "I want to lie within your open bones.".
I also have a problem with the very last line. "Quells his angry shine."? It sounds a touch silly, though it's difficult to think of a word that would work better than angry. Vicious, inhumane, barbarous... Perhaps you can think of one that's eluding me for the moment.
I do like the symbiosis you have going on here, between the living and the dead. Definitely a nice piece.
Apr 5 2009
mm.. it's the quell's bit that gets to me - the sun, i've always felt, is more a victim of night than a chooser of it - especially a sun as angry as a deserts. so i would change quells to something more surrendery maybe "Is stripped of his angry shine"
Hey there, I don't know why I like this poem but I just do. This is one of those poems that just get inside you and make you think and read it several times over
I never knew about the coyote but indeed, the rabbit is timely because of the easter season. But that would mean the cow has to die first, right? Or am I just too literal?
Apr 5 2009
@webbielady I would think so... i mean, if it doesn't, isn't that kind of creepier?
Hey Gabriel, I saw you made the top picks for the WOOF contest! Congratulations, it is well deserved.
Rock on. \m/
-Alex
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