Cherry Stems



Cherry stems tie knots
Around your tongue,
And that’s a fancy trick,
Sexy in some ways,
If you were making love
To a cherry tree,
But I’ve got a better one:
I can tie you in knots
With a thread of secrets
And whispers.

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T
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Apr 5 2009

"A thread of secrets and whispers". My favorite part.

Raeven
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Apr 5 2009

so are you saying that if tied knots in your [censored]

Diana
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Apr 9 2009

Hm. There are several points about this one that strike me as odd. The overall flow seems off, a continuous sentence with several commas thrown in. The opening lines are also a little strange, with cherry stems doing the tying. I was wondering if it wouldn't sound better as "Tying cherry stem knots / Around your tongue / Is a fancy trick, / Sexy in some ways / If you were making love / To a cherry tree." Then you would also keep the stem single like the thread you reference later and also take out the and that trips up the third line.

Kudos on taking an overused action and making a rather curious comparison with it though. It makes for a nice piece of poetry.

Neverwhere74
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Apr 13 2009

::nods:: I like the fact that (even though the trick itself is overused as a come-on) he looks at the person he's talking to and comes up with a better line. Granted it's stunning everytime I see the aforementioned display, I like the idea of presenting her with a better option. This one does what all great poems do, tell an entire story without preamble.

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