Asleep In This Weightless Cradle



Asleep in this weightless cradle,
I dreamt of wolves and angels.
A thousand miles of sky couldn’t
Keep me from you,
Couldn’t keep parabolas of fire
From sloughing off my wings:
Holocaust dander to kiss your
Lonely mountain.
I’ll leave your love letters drifting:
Orbital effluvia
For all the world to read.

Comments

T
T's picture
User offline. Last seen 5 weeks 2 days ago. Offline
Joined:
Apr 5 2009

"I dreamt of wolves and angels" I love how you paired such very different things.

Raeven
Raeven's picture
User offline. Last seen 16 weeks 5 days ago. Offline
Joined:
Apr 5 2009

hmm.. i wouldn't have thought them different

Gabriel
Gabriel's picture
User offline. Last seen 51 min 17 sec ago. Offline
Joined:
Mar 24 2009

Heh. That phrase is actually the title of a Kiros song.

Diana
Diana's picture
User offline. Last seen 1 week 6 days ago. Offline
Joined:
Apr 9 2009

An interesting idea put to poetry, though use of vocabulary seems to dampen the effectiveness here. Effluvia and parabola seem out of place to me, though I'm not sure what one would use to replace them.

There's also something odd with the phrase "From sloughing from". Perhaps if you were to alter it to "From sloughing off". It keeps the word 'from' from being repeated once too often.

Overall, a beautiful idea and powerful imagery used effectively.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Textual smileys will be replaced with graphical ones.
  • Make collapsible text blocks using [spoiler] and [/spoiler].
  • You can use BBCode tags in the text.

More information about formatting options

You can change the default for this field in "Comment follow-up notification settings" on your account edit page.
CAPTCHA
This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.